Health Care Should Be Automatic

1. Health care as a profession didn’t always exist, but once the first person decided to specialize in medicine, every last human on earth became automatically entitled to his services whether he liked it or not.

2. Health care is a very desirable service, therefore it should cost nothing at all.

3. Not only health care, but health insurance should be costless.  Otherwise, the young and single in particular find that planning ahead for insurance premiums cuts into the fashion and entertainment budget.

4. Insurance companies should be forced to cover pre-existing conditions.  The perfect time to buy a life insurance policy is after death occours.  Insurance should no longer be about hedging against risk.  It should just be about making a phantom pay in magic beans anytime something terrible happens.  If no one wants stock in insurance companies, offer them a bailout.

5. Prohibiting private citizens from paying out of pocket for medical care will make the costs disappear.

6. Medical students should endure ten years of training and student loans out of charity alone; they should make no more than any upper level government employee.  Doctors with superior reputation and skill should make no more than bad or mediocre doctors.  They should be paid the same whether their patients tend to live or die.

7. Pharmaceutical companies should be prevented from making windfall profits when inventing new treatments and cures.  They will continue to invest billions of dollars in research and development even if they never see a return.

8. Cuba, Canada, and the United Kingdom have the greatest and most efficient health care systems in the world.  That is why countries with government controlled medicine put out the lion’s share of new cures. 

9. Cuban big-pharma recoups their R&D expenses by selling in the domestic market alone, allowing them to sell new life-saving treatments at generic prices abroad.

10. Contracting an illness is a complaint against the universe, but since you can’t take the universe to court, sue the American taxpayer.  Any disease you get, preventable or not, is the responsibility of the family across the street.  They might have used their income to raise another child, but you have plans to hire the government to stick a gun in their face and take payment for your stomach staples.

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